My Heartache

I have been feeling quite discouraged lately. At times, I was feeling confused and without any reasons, could be teary.

I tried to find a 'fix' but my heart is still troubled and I am still unhappy -except I don't know why.

These days my Facebook newsfeed has been flooded with:

 #The downing of MH17

I was at work when I heard. It was a very bad day already and this just add fuel to the fire. My heart was so so heavy and it was even difficult for me to catch my breath. 

It was like the worse day and all I need is just to wake up from this very bad dream. But I couldn't. By the time the reality sinks in, my heart went numb. My mouth was so heavy I couldn't even speak. And the tears keep coming. 

Shocked. Torn to pieces. Helpless. 

Somebody's children, parents, babies. They were all in there. They were all hurt -possibly in the most unimaginable way. How could my heart not ache; when I saw those pictures of theirs? When I learned what was their dream? And when I know somewhere in a corner of the world -somebody is waiting for them to come home.. but they won't?

 #Kiki the outrageous road bully

Kiki was said to be outrageous with inappropriate road rage; especially during Ramadhan. Malaysia is getting too small now with the advancement of social media and within split seconds, everybody knows this girl -in a bad way :(

My first impression after watching the video was: WOW, she got guts! 

Luckily the Chinese uncle (haha, I got to say he's Chinese) is very calm and his kindness has capture the nation. Did I say he is a Christian? Does it matter, you asked? 

Unfortunately -YES. In Malaysia, being a Chinese-Christian is a very very bad combination. Automatically, that made you an eccentric, selfish, rich jerk with a less superior faith :(

(You know it's true, Malaysian. Be honest please) 

My heart do not ache when Kiki was charged for being the road bully that she was. I think she has to learn her lesson and although this has risen her to stardom (multiple tv and radio interviews), this event will certainly scarred her for life. 

My heart ache comes from multiple social bully that comes from irresponsible human being. Kiki is just like you and me. Yes, she made mistake and I think she knows this more than anyone else. There is no need to be giving a racist comments and unkind words; what goes around comes around, remember? Kiki has rights to do whatever she wants to do with her newly found stardom but it's not for you or me to judge. 

Don't we have too much hate in the world, already? Can't we show love -just this one? ;)

 #Pray for Gaza

Gaza and Israel's long battle for peace has been witnessed by the world for decades. Human genocides is not acceptable be it for either Palestinians or Jewish. Each sides are 'promoting' their logistics which somewhat sounds like excuses. You just don't kill people -period.

Interestingly in Malaysia, as the era of 'racism' is on the rise, it divides our community into two large groups: Muslim vs.Non-muslim. Although they're not Jewish themselves, non-muslim friends tend to be sceptical about how our tax money being used to fund the aids for GAZA when one of our own beloved state (Sabah) is currently under pirates attack which necessitates curfew. 

Not that humanitarian efforts across Gaza borders is wrong -not at all. But when your home TV station only showing the superiority of Islam as a religion and that others must ceased to seek freedom of faith, this creates anger. Frustrations. If your government only supports humanitarian efforts involving Islamic countries; one can't help but to be sceptical. And judgemental. 

How about typhoon disaster in Philippine last year? How about Buddhists who were massacred by extremist Muslims at Thailand border? How about a Christian woman who was about to be hang as she refused to convert to Muslim in Sudan early this year? What about those type of humanitarian efforts? Did you pray for those too? Did you hash-tag? May I just ask, now that you know these things actually happened -did your heart ache?

Or, is it only for Palestinians? For Bosnians? 

For my non-muslim friends, I know where you're coming from. I do. I have been there too ;(

But for our faith teaches us kindness and to be bigger than the world itself, let's put away such differences. We too, can pray for Palestinians. We too, as sinners, must reach out for those in need -be it for Palestinians and Jewish. Do not let our (painful)personal experiences affects how we see the world. 

Don't let it hold us to be the person we're supposed to be. Be the salt of the earth, remember? ;)

HAVE A NICE DAY!

  

Marriage is a 'boring' life

One day, someone told me this: Marriage is a boring life.

Truthfully, I was quite shocked about this sudden uncomfortable topic amongst a bunch of married women. I wasn't quite sure if she was going to reveal a painful history of her marriage out in the open. Never did I know how to respond when she reached a pause.

*I can hear the sounds of birds chirping inside my head for what feels like forever!*

*God,give me wisdom in this time of need*

'Why is that so?' I asked (Pfftt, that was like the smartest thing I could come up with)

'Marriage is all about compromise,' she added. 
'Once you're married, you won't have time for each other. Especially when the kids come around and you both are working. Life is like that. At one point, you just have to give and take and compromise (sigh). You moved on and this become so repetitive and boring....'

I nodded gently. As if I could understand her. 
Funny enough, this is not the first time I heard this; that Marriage is a compromise :(

Growing up, I do not know what is 'Compromise in Marriage' means. As a child, all I saw was just an unhappy marriage (of my parents). I couldn't appreciate what they called 'give and take'/'compromise' or whatever the adult wanted to label it. All I know then (when I was 5 year old) was to eat, sleep, go to school and make sure someone give me pocket money -just whoever. 

This changes rapidly when I understood what 'being happy' means. I am no longer happy with just a pot hole I 'discovered' behind someone else's farm. Somehow, as I grew older, I seek to be happy via the means of: the embrace I longed for when I do well in school, a warm pat on the head when I am being cheeky and even some wise encouraging words when I am having bad days. 

Many of us, I believe, probably didn't come from the above ideal household. We are even giving excuses such as 'We were too poor'. I was once embarrassed to even have the desire to be embraced by my parents. What more outrageous is; when you're not an understanding child, you're a disobedient child. Fearing of what people might say of me, I tried my best to please everyone else -although this could sometimes, be quite painful. 

My parents have been struggling in their marriage for as long as I can remember. I am not sure if they would call it 'boring' though. But in the end, what I gathered is they're just unhappy; with each other as well as with themselves. They 'compromised' for almost 20 years but unfortunately, they now have becoming more of a stranger to each other than when they first met. 

If you're unhappy, just say as it is. But if you're unhappy, don't just sit around and wait for 'happiness' to knock on your door. Don't be a fool.

Don't get me wrong. We are allowed to be 'boring'. And even to do 'boring' activities. No married couples would have exciting things to do/say every single day. Yes,this could be repetitive. This could be predictable -but. But your emotional investment towards this 'boring' things are more important. For example, me and my better half would be super happy if we could take nap together. Ok, taking nap is like a BIG thing in our household. It's like THE activity of the day ;p It is not even acceptable if one of us sneakily taking nap without telling the other. LOL


Trust me, I am not in a 'perfect-dreamy-Korean-like' marriage. Like others, we have ups and down. We too, have super good days and super bad days. But we thoroughly enjoy this journey. And we are still able to say 'I love you' and really mean it. 

To say 'marriage is a compromise' is not morally acceptable for me. I saw first hand how marriage doesn't work and trust me; it won't work if you don't do your homework, too lazy to make effort/talk through things etc. We all have 24 hours in a day. I do not have more hours than you do. All I know is -I need to prioritise things that matters.

And what matters most to me is my faith and of course, my marriage. 

Who looks cuter? (revenge time!) LOL