Truthfully, I was quite shocked about this sudden uncomfortable topic amongst a bunch of married women. I wasn't quite sure if she was going to reveal a painful history of her marriage out in the open. Never did I know how to respond when she reached a pause.
*I can hear the sounds of birds chirping inside my head for what feels like forever!*
*God,give me wisdom in this time of need*
'Why is that so?' I asked (Pfftt, that was like the smartest thing I could come up with)
'Marriage is all about compromise,' she added.
'Once you're married, you won't have time for each other. Especially when the kids come around and you both are working. Life is like that. At one point, you just have to give and take and compromise (sigh). You moved on and this become so repetitive and boring....'
I nodded gently. As if I could understand her.
Funny enough, this is not the first time I heard this; that Marriage is a compromise :(
Growing up, I do not know what is 'Compromise in Marriage' means. As a child, all I saw was just an unhappy marriage (of my parents). I couldn't appreciate what they called 'give and take'/'compromise' or whatever the adult wanted to label it. All I know then (when I was 5 year old) was to eat, sleep, go to school and make sure someone give me pocket money -just whoever.
This changes rapidly when I understood what 'being happy' means. I am no longer happy with just a pot hole I 'discovered' behind someone else's farm. Somehow, as I grew older, I seek to be happy via the means of: the embrace I longed for when I do well in school, a warm pat on the head when I am being cheeky and even some wise encouraging words when I am having bad days.
Many of us, I believe, probably didn't come from the above ideal household. We are even giving excuses such as 'We were too poor'. I was once embarrassed to even have the desire to be embraced by my parents. What more outrageous is; when you're not an understanding child, you're a disobedient child. Fearing of what people might say of me, I tried my best to please everyone else -although this could sometimes, be quite painful.
My parents have been struggling in their marriage for as long as I can remember. I am not sure if they would call it 'boring' though. But in the end, what I gathered is they're just unhappy; with each other as well as with themselves. They 'compromised' for almost 20 years but unfortunately, they now have becoming more of a stranger to each other than when they first met.
If you're unhappy, just say as it is. But if you're unhappy, don't just sit around and wait for 'happiness' to knock on your door. Don't be a fool.
Don't get me wrong. We are allowed to be 'boring'. And even to do 'boring' activities. No married couples would have exciting things to do/say every single day. Yes,this could be repetitive. This could be predictable -but. But your emotional investment towards this 'boring' things are more important. For example, me and my better half would be super happy if we could take nap together. Ok, taking nap is like a BIG thing in our household. It's like THE activity of the day ;p It is not even acceptable if one of us sneakily taking nap without telling the other. LOL
Trust me, I am not in a 'perfect-dreamy-Korean-like' marriage. Like others, we have ups and down. We too, have super good days and super bad days. But we thoroughly enjoy this journey. And we are still able to say 'I love you' and really mean it.
To say 'marriage is a compromise' is not morally acceptable for me. I saw first hand how marriage doesn't work and trust me; it won't work if you don't do your homework, too lazy to make effort/talk through things etc. We all have 24 hours in a day. I do not have more hours than you do. All I know is -I need to prioritise things that matters.
And what matters most to me is my faith and of course, my marriage.
Who looks cuter? (revenge time!) LOL
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