INCEPTION; a whole new generation

Watched INCEPTION at 20:00pm.

No, I wasn't watching a movie. But a whole new generation of motion pictures.

Story lines were beautifully dissected, materials were meticulously researched and its art of precision in both reality and dreams are virtually consumable. Running at 148minutes, it brought me to 1776minutes of sleep time and 298,368minutes of deep sleep. And I was at 4th level of this contemporary science fiction imaginarium.

Penrose stairs -I remembered them from the pile of dad's book. It has always amused me as a child and having them carefully layered out with a simple trick of mind is a genius. I always wonder -what else is out there. What's more? What if? And thanks to Christopher Nolan whose direction in this work of honor brings the concept of impossible to a whole new era. The impossible, my friends, is a state of mind. But the one beyond impossible is something to dream..

Zero gravity is the basic of reality. Its a well-known truth of physics that enables and disables a lot of our inventions. The phrase 'on the ground' is equals to zero gravity and how this was manipulated to end each equally-shared-dreams is absurd and disturbingly Einstein -so I found. How someone can abstract ones mind and planted whatever ideas subconsciously through a basic principles of life shows how mind is indeed an instrument with incredible flexibility and creativity with easily manouvered weight of contents.

My totem -a peck on the cheek from hubby- brought me back to reality. Unfortunately in this dream, I was the architect and I've decided that zero gravity is yet still the best for me..

The way she loves me

I don't know how I know but I think I know she loves me.

Reading a parenting psychology book is very interesting indeed. You think your parents knew it all -but guess what. They may know more than you do but they don't know it all -yet.

The mind of understanding evolved through time and remarkably moulded into shape it was baked. What a child understands imply simplicity yet of nothing inferior if compared to an adult's. Then of course an adult's mind are made to differenciate, to justify and to make a decision. The big difference is the mind of an adult demanded to be acknowledged, to be noticed and has a desire to be fulfilled. As compared to a child's -what you give is what it takes. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Rebellious child so I was. My words when empowered by my mind is deadly. Mom knows that very well. Indeed, too well. 'You don't love us equally!!' I yelled before I slammed the door behind me, hard. Coming from a chinese background, she knows love is to provide. That is how she has been loved by her parents and that is exactly how she is going to show her love to us. Because she doesn't know any other.

Mom married to her first love and she was 24 when she had my eldest sister. She just came out of college and before you knew it, she has not one, not two but three girls running in her hallway. I never recall her having her friends over to have a girlie-over-the-tea talk. Nor did her relatives visited often. She went to work every morning with her infamous scooter and when she was at home, we occupied, conquered and depleted all remaining energy she had. After all that, it took me 28 years to realise that -we (her children) were and are her bestfriends...

Mom ensured all her children has sufficient books/school utensils/anything that signify knowlegde. She went down to Sibu (from Song, Kapit) every month to stock us up with work books -now I think about it I don't know how she does what she did. On each trip she will bring one of her children with her -by turns. Being a teacher and a mother (awful combination), she appeared to me as most horrifying human being. When I wasn't as quick as my fella sisters in reading alphabets she generously spread her arms around me. No, not hug.

She dressed us up. She dollied us with make-ups. She showed her 8, 6, 5 year old to pose. So that when we are old enough to appreciate our childhood pictures, we will know so many silly things we did. And as I was browsing through those pictures, as fun as they appeared to be -she wasn't in them. When we are looking at pictures we always leaves behind the person who actually saw it first via the camera's small tiny mirror -the person who captured the magic.

With all three girls running in and out, who barely hold their position still, who cried because the other was pulling her hair, who solely cares about themselves -she selflessly enduring this one way love- is simply MIND BLOWING. I reckoned mom loves spoiling us with pretty dresses, embracing us with home hair treatment but a child is so eccentric that all you care about is yourself and the importance of everything else to just fall around you -that I think when we weren't looking, she did feel lonely.

The way my mom loves might be a boring one. She might not be as exciting and colourful. But doesn't mean that she loves any less. She is very not expressive and as I learned, she choose not be because she doesn't want to be vulnerable. Being a father/mother, one always think one need to have control and authority which I think is necessary but too much of anything is too much for nothing..

Rebellious indeed. My mind needs a constant revolution and for what I am -it's her. For she mould me not to be like her but better. Like what she has always did and always will be -selflessly loves me.

MY SPECIAL MOM =))

Silent tale of a kiss..

It's 16:00pm. I paced myself towards the far end of the hospital. The result of the scan is out. But I haven't manage to lay my hands on any computer since the last hour. Nurses were alerted by the clogging of my platform. I am no familiar face but I pulled a look as if I am here to deliver someting big. Something significant. And make a difference.

There he was walking along the corridor. He raised his eyebrow when he met my eyes but nothing too excited. Nothing too deliberate. He looks empty. Blank.

His body was hugged by a clean old navy blue robe. Around his neck lies a string of rosary -big enough to catch my visual acuity more than 6 feet away. There was this frown he wears -making him a lot older than he aged. His left hand was feeling for the texture of the wall while the other was running through the beads of rosary. Slowly dragging himself towards his bed -I think he tought I knew. And that he thought I was trying to put a brave front -for his sake.

He is a patient -like a lot of many other patients. Infact, like many other humans. He wanted to know but he is afraid of what he needs to know, wants to know and the quantity of how much he knows. He wanted to hope for better yet afraid of the worst. He wanted to prepare for the worst yet afraid it might take away the hope. He wanted to pray so much -without implying he is praying with hope. He wanted to thank God so much -without implying he is overjoyed. He wanted to tell God that it's okay, that he will love Him anyways -but also he was thinking if God can make a change of heart and gives him a second chance.

When the light is off -he wanted to cry, cry, just cry...
And although no one would have seen, no one would have known -he dare not. As he is a man. And he is tired playing "God, what if..."

The result of the scan was a page long. It is not wise to read between lines. This defines my patient's prognosis. Duration of life -days/months/years- on stake. I read it not once, not twice but three times. I 5MCC'd (5 Minutes Clinical Consult) few words I am not familiar with. The art of precision and accuracy needs the luxury of time and research. Especially when I am doing it by myself -I better do it right.

I was at the end of his bed but he was nowhere to be seen. Double-checking if I was on the right bed, I looked through my patient's list again. Movement captured the corner of my eye and I turned to the right. There he was standing 3 metres away from me and gave me the 'are you going to tell me now' look. He was so silent yet he conveyed 1001 words to me. I slowly pulled over the curtains and the first sentence he said was 'Can we wait for my wife doctor? I think she wants to know'.

But due to the new EWTD (European Working Time Directive), I was under pressure to tick my lists of numerous jobs. Being empathy is one thing but being efficient is far superior -so I have learned.

"Johnny (not real name)" I said "the result is in".
I pulled myself together into a professional mode. Affirmation and compassion -in one single monotonous voice. You want to say so much with so little emotion, you want to show concern with so little attachment.
"It shows localised tumour without any distant metastases. We think you are a good candidate for surgery".

His right hand rubbing his chest. He looked as if he skipped a heart beat and a breath of life. 'No metastases'. He kept repeating that words and broke into tears. He reached for my little hand, kissed it and said "Girl, I will always pray for you". I just stood there. My feet glued to the floor. Silent. Instead of spending the remaining few seconds to enjoy the good news with him, I was trying hard to convince myself not to cry.

I left that day with a smile. And the silent tale of a kiss!! =))

Heiress of Forbes

I walk to work everyday at 08:45am. My Blackberry has been my constant lending-me-an-ear music player. It has faithfully accompany my every lonely steps along the luas line. Most of the days I was able to get out of work at least 17:30pm. Considering I am based at second largest hospital in Europe, coming home before sunset is not LUCKY. It's a LUXURY.

What I am getting into is -today I reached home early. While having my dinner from previous take-aways, I tuned into my favourite 501 channel the E! news. So what is this deal about Top 20 Heiress of Forbes?? This is the first time I heard about it. And it's the first time I took notice.

This is the list about stinky rich people who are not only blessed with a keching account but also prosperous looks and beauty since they were born with a surname to die for. So, what is your surname? Hyatt? Ralph Lauren? Lauder? Trump? If you are born with those name -sit tight, laid back and relax. You have a lot coming ahead of you as you have to work really really hard to spend your money -I have warned you- you need to work really really hard..

So what if your surname pays you? What's wrong having a surname that put you on the map? Why not? These people treat money with respect -they spent them! Money is not out there to be kept in a bank, it's meant to be spent. She needs an apartment in the middle of New York City next to Central Park -she got it at a bargain -$10Million. She needs to commute to LA for a fashion week -she uses daddy's jet. She needs to shop at Prada -she bought the Prada's shop.

They certainly know the power, the rath of wealth. They acknowleged the prosperity money gives. They created a brand that creates money and money gives them a brand too -a brand beyond their imaginary. Vogue, BusinessWeek, TimeMagazine, Elle -you named it. They were in them with 7 pages stories spread. It covers what they were like, who they inspired to be, what did they do with daddy's credit card, what type of boys inside their trunk, did mommy buy her favourite Jimmy Choo, which party bash they were VIP'd on, was Justin Timberlake invited to her birthday party and last but not least what she gonna do to multiply the multibillion empire.

As we were watching them spending all the keching, treating the keching like a dirt, that is when we judged. In our world where winning a vacation for two is a miracle, where 'buy one free one' is a indeed a blessing, where a $100 note found on wet drain is very unlikey -we almost forgot that we all in fact are in the same world. Under the same sun. Bathe the same rain. Breathe the same air.

They spent their money recklessly. No rationale of value. And on top of that they were judged by the world. Because we thought that we knew more. Because we thought we could handle the keching better.

But infact, they are the people who knows it well. They actually know it best -that money can't buy you happiness.

So readers and friends, let there be money or not, let there be knowledge. As knowledge not only rewards you prosperity but also happiness and wealth...

ala-ala MAMAK

Insignificant. Plain. Stagnant. Painfully ordinary -is my life in Dublin.
Coming to this so called developed country infact brings me a decade (maybe two) into the past. "Strawberry for two euro, love" "fonk-ka (which later I figured out to be 'phone card')" and "ni ha ma" from a fake chinese accent of locals floating regularly throughout the fresh/wet market near my faithful home as a first year medical student.

Somehow I love that feelings it gave me. Ancient. Simple.

So there I was carrying my mother's hope thousands of miles away from my precious home in Sarawak, crossing more seas I could ever dreamt of -landed silently on this brand new land. I shared my apartment with bunch of loveliest seniors who made me a bed breakfast on my first day of arrival (how can I be thankful enough).

One of the thing which striked me in Ireland is -guess what- the shopping mall closes at 6pm! It was devastating for a shopaholic like me. College itself probably took most of my days, not surprising the walk to home via city centre was quite lonely. Closed shops + drunk Irish + early sunset (4pm in winter) = no fun!! Why can't there be mamak? You can order cheap food, a lot of food with a lot of choices, 'lepak' for a long long time -although you only ordered 'teh tarik'. Why I need to pay so much (even in the dodgy food place in Dublin) for something not even nearly half as good as the food at home? Cranky. Done. Crushed. Much for my long awaited care-free lifestyle in Dublin..

8 years later...
Revolution is here. Finally, it's here.
It's Proton House. This place is like a mice who became the Cinderella's carriage. It is hope. A change -desperately needed. It's mamak!! Situated along the Dawson's street in city centre, the build is exactly like mamak. Few tables and chairs thrown into the corners and walla! They have mee mamak, nasi goreng kampung, roti canai, nasi lemak, teh tarik, air bandung etc. The owner is from Penang and he has been a chef in Dublin for a decade. I love its simplicity. I love something emotionally and physically affordable.

So mamak is here.
Next question is: laksa Sarawak??

Laksa Sarawak

Today is Sunday (08/08/12010). Woke up early today. No dream. No nothing.

Thank God for a very restful night & thank God for he is next to me when I woke up. My heart felt content. Energised from the deep 9 hours sleep, I ran down to the kitchen to do some cleaning and hubby went to vacuum the house. I found myself to be anal about hygiene and house's cleanliness these days after I took my vow. Hypocrite? So be it. As long as I changed for the better plus, I have someone else to share the workload with  =P

We vacuumed the house, scrub the toilets and kitchen, re-arranged the living hall, changed the duvet set. It didn't take long but the satisfaction lasts longer.

Laksa Sarawak! I haven't had that thing for several months. The Laksa paste that mom bought me are still wrapped tightly inside the fridge. While the adrenaline still lasts, I might as well. The proposal was delivered to my hubby who delightedly approved and efficiently (as usual) send text messages to common friends for some 'sharing-is-caring' session.

After an hour of labour of love (I meant cooking  =P) I saw hubby was diligently peeling off the chicken's flesh into small tiny fibres; a so much needed ingredient of Laksa Sarawak. As I looked again, he was munching the remainers; as if he hasn't been eaten for days! Poor hubby: starvation + physical labour = married to Sophia. HAHA!

But that doesn't lasts long as before you knew it, he gulped the whole bowl of Laksa Sarawak!

(time interval as I need to shower -smelly Laksa hoovering my newly done hair)

It's 23:00pm. We just came back from some serious bowling session and supper at this new Malaysian Restaurant -Nyonya. Had so much fun. Good company really matters. We all have different ways in seeing things, different background, different persona -simply different yet FUN.

Laksa Sarawak -a success indeed!! So...when is next??

tata~